


Blind Sight

by KillJoy_Juniper



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Blind Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Disability, Disabled Character, Dreams and Nightmares, Eventual Smut, M/M, Professor Erwin Smith, Reincarnation, Slow Burn, implied Erwin/Petra, mentions of anxiety and depression, pain medication exchange, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 13:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20009251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillJoy_Juniper/pseuds/KillJoy_Juniper
Summary: The shorter man turns at the sound of Erwin’s voice. His face finally comes into view and a wave of relief washes over Erwin when he realizes it looks exactly as he’s always dreamt. Erwin steps into his captain’s personal space, welling with pride when the man’s face levels with the center of his chest. His hands shake but automatically make their way up to caress the pale cheeks, finding an impossibly familiar warmth."Levi."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This work is beta'd by the most amazing, wonderful editor anyone could ever ask for: @Felicity_Reid_ on Twitter. She has been with me from start to finish with this story, provided me all the love and support necessary to get this out the gate. She has given me blood, sweat, and tears over this and I could not be anymore thankful because she has, honestly, done more than any other beta would. She is absolutely perfect.





	Blind Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Words in italics are a different language
> 
> Words in bold italics are thoughts

Levi finds it funny that he can sleep through just about anything: alarms, natural disasters, a kegger next door, a section of a past apartment building had even collapsing, etc. Levi has—and will—sleep through it all. But it’s the shrill, shrieking voice belonging to his best friend and roommate which never fails to wake him. And unfortunately, Hange is all too aware of the power.

“Oiiiiii.”

“It’s noon. Get up you lazy hag!”

He swears it would take the sweet, sweet release of death to be rid of that voice. He hears his bedroom door open and the room is suddenly filled with the smell of bacon and pancakes as his roommate plops down onto the bed and put their head on his ribs.

“I made too much bacon. Get up and help me eat it.” Hange chews loudly and plops down onto his bed.

“Can you do me a favor and just, I don’t know, sprout a uterus? Sprout a uterus and birth a child so I don’t have to suffer a life with you on my own?” A smile creeps across his face because Hange always makes way too much bacon, especially on the days he sleeps in.

“I mean, if I was willing to subject myself to the amount of responsibility that comes with owning a uterus, then maybe.” They crunch down on another piece of overcooked bacon.

“Oh, so it’s not the amount of responsibility that comes with being a parent that you’re worried about, just the uterus?” He adjusted himself to face Hange.

“Honey, it’s 2019 and the government _still_ considers a uterus a pre-existing condition towards healthcare. Fuck that.”

“Mmm, definitely don’t need that then.” He chuckles and reaches his hand out to run his fingers through their hair.

“Exactly what I’m saying.” Hange’s head doesn’t move until they finish off their piece of bacon and wipes their hands on their shirt, only to shift until their face presses up against Levi's back. “Dream or nightmare?”

Levi doesn’t answer the question immediately and Hange knows to be patient. Levi feels them gently wiggle them self under his blankets before an arm is thrown over his hips.

The dreams are always incomplete, disconnected, and random. He often finds himself looking up at the night sky, gazing at a vast array of stars. His nightmares have men, women, and children in single-file lines with tears streaming down featureless faces as they’re eaten alive by large, humanistic creatures. Their bodies splatter the ground with an impossible amount of blood that ends up drowning anything left alive. More than anything it’s the vividness and familiarity of them that shock and surprise him the most. There are colors he’s never seen before. Hange has dreams just as frequently which share the same creatures, but countless hours spent comparing his to theirs have never brought any answers as to their origin.

“A little bit of both.” He whispered but Hange doesn’t move from their position. “More bad than good.”

“What made it good? Was it before or after the bad?” Hange reaches up to tug on his hair. “Its almost time for you to get another hair cut.”

“He was there with me this time, just sitting there, watching everyone die.”

Hange lets out an interested hum and tugs his hair again.

“Really? That’s something new.” Levi could tell that Hange was most likely flipping through their own dreams for something similar.

One of his more frequent dreams features the face of a man Levi he has never met, always surrounded by the same scene – an office with wooden floors, a lit fireplace, a desk covered in paperwork, a discarded jacket hanging off a spare chair, and the smell of tea. He always sits behind the desk, busy with something until he isn’t. Suddenly, but never unpredictably, the man’s head will rise from his paperwork to look at Levi.

The man’s eyes are brighter than the sky, a color all on its own that didn’t seem capable of being named and a hue that Levi can’t place. The longer Levi stares into them, the longer he feels warm, protected, desired, and loved. Those eyes call for him and there is nowhere else Levi would rather be than in their reflection.

The man appears in Hange’s dreams as well and their experience always match Levi’s visions. They will occasionally dream of Levi, but describes it is as off putting because they can’t remember the entirety of his face. He sometimes dreams of calling someone Hange, but it’s never accompanied by a face, just a large dark ponytail and animalistic noises.

Hange has been able to recall a few people but none of the names or descriptions bring forward any of his memories. He himself has only ever seen one face. Levi always feels a little useless when he can’t help Hange with the one and only person his friend has ever really _desired_ to identify.

Hange doesn’t have a face for the man but describes his voice as worried. He always seems to be concerned for Hange’s safety, pulling them out of danger. Levi doesn’t find it a coincidence that Hange would need consistent saving.

“Do we have a name yet? Like, every time you describe him, I feel like I know who you mean. His name is on the tip of my tongue, but I just can’t remember it.” Levi feels them sit up and get out of the bed to walk over to the closet.

They do this every single time a dream or foreign memory is obtained, but especially when it involves either of their men. They always try to help one another identify them but it just never works.

“No, and I don’t have a voice either.” Levi found the strength to push the blankets back and sit up.

“Well, we’re one step closer to the truth, I guess.” Hange exclaims their motto.

Levi hums in agreement and he feels clothes being shoved into his hands. Hange leaves him to dress, because that’s not something he needs any help doing, thank God. Hange makes a great maid if you didn’t account for the number of things he trips over every day. But even with their level of friendship, having them see him naked is out of his comfort zone. He’s really not sure what makes him love this person so much, other than having spent most of his life with them. They were annoying and messy, both of which he hates about everyone other than them, but in a way that feels most familiar him. It’s a relationship feeling like they should already be in nursing homes. Sometimes it’s like he can predict their next move.

He finally makes his way to the kitchen table as Hange finishes preparing breakfast. He hears them put a plate down in front of him. “So, who all is coming today?”

“I know Kydall is coming, she – fuck!” Levi's fingers dip into hot goo instead of grabbing bacon.

“Shit, shit, sorry.” He hears Hange turn the plate while he nurses the fingers in his mouth. “Ten and two, sorry. ‘Twas an accident.”

“Shitty glasses.” He smiles when they gasp, appreciating the mock insult.

“You know, hearing you say that will never get old. I missed it for the longest time.” He can hear the smile in his friend’s voice. “Of all of the things I can’t remember about you, your eyes are what I miss the most.”

“I still don’t get why I can’t see your face.” Levi reaches down tentatively until a crispy texture is under his fingers.

“You say that everyday. Now stop and eat your breakfast. We’re going to be late.”

Breakfast is quick, but even rushing couldn’t lessen the tastiness of the homemade recipe from Hange’s mother. Levi helps with the dishes before making his way over to the couch to collect his book bag. He grabs his walking stick from the basket next to the door and they leave.

“So, were on Central Street right now. Then we’ll hit Third but remember to keep going straight to get to campus, don’t turn down Houston or Cherry.” Hange continues to ramble off street names and landmarks during their three-mile walk to campus on the off chance they ever got separated or have an emergency.

Levi works hard in order to memorize the unique sounds of the streets, smells of the shops, the overall feel of the terrain, but it is more difficult said than done. The people here don’t know him, some of them don’t move out of the way and he ends up shin-checking quite a few people with his stick. 

“Good morning, Hange! Levi!” It’s the voice of the woman who runs their favorite tea shop.

Hange gently drags Levi by the arm towards the sweet-sounding voice and out of the morning pedestrian traffic. Levi always gets a warm feeling from the woman and her tea only so solidifies it.

“Ahh! Good morning, Ella!” Levi hears the large smile in their voice.

“I know you guys are in a rush, but I just wanted to see how the tea was last week?”

“Hange drank ninety percent of it,” Levi chuckles when Hange chokes out in denial. “But the sip I got was delicious. It had that spicy tang in that back of your throat and the lemon perfectly soothes it. Much better than anything I’ve ever bought. The freshness really makes a difference. Once payday come, I’ll probably splurge half of it in here.”

“You’re too kind!” He can hear the blush in her voice and likes to imagine what it would look like against the tanned skin Hange had described to him. “I’m working on a blueberry-rosemary-mint flavor and I’ll hopefully have that for you to sample next week.”

“That sounds absolutely amazing.” He and Hange speaks in unison and she laughs.

“I was hoping you’d feel that way. Now,” Her footsteps fade away feels Hange lean over him to track her location. A few moments later her steps come back “Levi, the peach-lemon for you and, Hange, mango for you.”

The cup was warm against his palm and the steam that rose to tickle his nose smells heavenly. They thank her, bid her goodbye, and resume their walk. The rest of the trip is short and uneventful.

“So, you said Kyndall was coming this morning. Who else? Is she still struggling with her literature class in general or just the book?” Hange choses a table at the back of the library and sits down.

“Kyndal is mostly struggling with her algebra because the text and homework is online. The auditory methods are practically impossible, to be honest. It’s especially hard for her because she hasn’t been blind her whole life.” Levi unpacks his book bag and opens his computer. “She’s coming and then in about an hour, Josh will be here. Then the Raspin twins need help with their history assignment. I’m good here. You don’t have to wait if you don’t want to.”

Levi knows Hange has a class to teach in a few minutes, but they normally refuse to leave until Levi's first student arrives, so he wasn’t by himself. They know he hates to be babied but only want him to be safe.

“Take your meds first. Then I’ll leave you alone.” The sounds of Hange rustling through his backpack come before he can respond. Levi hears the opening of his medication caddy before a familiar cocktail of drugs are dumped into the palm of his hand. He promptly downs them all with his remaining tea.

“Alright, I’m off then. Just come by the classroom when you’re finished.” Hange’s chair scoots softly across the carpet as she moves to stand.

“Maybe I’ll just run away.” Levi chuckles and starts his computer.

“Someone would find you and promptly return your snarky ass.” Hange ruffle his hair and delivers a kiss to the top of his head before walking away.

Levi’s meetings go relatively smoothly and he ends up with plenty of time before he can meet up with Hange. As the last appointment leaves, he pulls his legs up into his seat and folds them underneath his body. He retrieves a few student submissions on his computer pulls up the audio software in order to start grading them for his class later that day. He is partly through the second assignment when someone sit down opposite of him, doing so extremely softly, almost like they didn’t want him to know they were there.

It isn’t an uncommon experience for Levi. He knows his keyboard and computer tools were visibly different. The gadgets had been custom made for his needs and often attract attention. This particular presence, however, doesn’t seem to be interested in his disabilities or gadgets, but is oddly familiar and makes the hair on the back of his neck stand at attention. Levi allows his headphones to fall into his lap, giving his ears the opportunity to zone in on the person’s slow and low-toned breathing. To make it even more odd, the stranger didn’t sound like he was doing anything; he couldn’t detect any movement of the person’s hands, no scratches of a pencil or pen, no clicks of a keyboard, no crinkly of papers or book pages, not even the quiet shuffling skin of fidgeting.

“Can I help you with something?” Levi speaks quietly as he closes his computer.

“I’m sorry,” A man's voice answers, deep, soft, and peeks an interest in the back of Levi’s mind because he recognizes, sort of. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“I could just feel you staring, so.” Levi pushes his belongings into his bag.

“I was, sorry. You just look so familiar and, I know this will sound weird, but you _smell_ familiar.” The man’s voice is hushed with the last bit of his statement.

_**Strange? More like fucking creepy.** _

“Uh, okay? That, actually, is a pretty strange statement, I have to say.” Levi unfolds his stick and stands up from the table. “I just moved here not too long ago, and I don’t recognize your voice so, I’m afraid I don’t know who you are.”

He hears the man’s chair slide and then he feels a looming presence, one that tells him this man is much taller than himself. It’s a bit unsettling for a shorter man, especially given the man’s awkward comment. As he taps the space in front of him, Levi finds a pair of shoes just a few feet to his left and not too close for comfort thankfully.

“Sorry. I hope I’m not keeping you from anything.” The man sounds like he takes a few steps backwards and pushes in his chair.

“No, I’m just heading down to the science building to meet with my friend.” Levi taps out a clear path and starts to step away.

“Can I walk with you?”

**_What is with this guy?_ **

Oddly enough, Levi has yet to get a weird feeling from this guy. The man seems nice, he doesn’t have a threatening tone, and the path Levi was going to take will be filled with people so he shouldn’t be any danger.

“Sure. Why not?” The man’s footsteps are heavy behind him but even and not in a hurry.

The man’s footsteps are markedly familiar. The feeling of his shadow, his presence, it all makes Levi feel safe. The back of his mind is still heavy with the weight of the deep voice, but it isn’t a puzzle piece he can fit into place, and he feel no urgency to do so. The silence between gives Levi the impression that the man has some unvoiced questions for him.

“So, are you a student here or do you just wander the library and stare at people?” He hears the man squawk a bit.

“No. Actually, two of my best friends are professors and we have plans after their classes are finished. I normally wait in the library because it gives me something to do. Their classes aren’t really for me.” He clears his throat when they come to a staircase. “Do you need–”

“Nope.” Levi takes the stairs in stride. He knows the man doesn’t meant anything by his offered assistance, but it’s always bothersome when people assume that he, a grown-ass man, can’t do things on his own.

“Right, sorry.” The man clears his throat, which is then followed by a scratching noise.

“Stop apologizing. I get it all the time, don’t worry about it.”

The library is four stories tall, and unfortunately, it takes only two flights of stairs before he starts to tire. By the time they reach the bottom of the stairs, his breath is a bit labored. The man must notice because he rushes forward to push the door open for him. Levi taps his walking stick against the side of the desk located to the right of the stairwell and laughs when a girl behind it squeaks.

“Have a great day, Dr. A!” She chirps at him and he laughs back.

“Bye, Sarah.”

The sunlight is warm against his skin, a welcome contrast to the library since he had forgotten to bring his jacket. He navigates his way to the left and easily finds the different texture of the main walkway that leads through campus.

“Dr. A, huh? What do you teach?” The man seems to have calmed just a bit.

“I have a doctorate in medieval literature. I also help other blind students with their courses and things like that. I have a few upper literary classes I teach, too.” Levi continues after the man’s hums in response. “What about your friends?”

“One is a history professor and the second does art. Hey!” Levi is suddenly pulled to the left against the man’s body; he hears the spokes of a bicycle surge past him. “Watch where you’re going, asshole!”

“Alright, alright, we don’t need a scene.”

The man is much taller than Levi anticipates him to be when he finds himself pressed against the lower part of a broad chest that is under his hands; it’s large, warm and well defined beneath a soft shirt. Unfortunately, Levi finds himself shying away from the man's touch, as if his skin is actually trying to crawl away from where the man’s fingers touched him.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean–”

“No, no, it’s cool. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Levi clears his throat and adjusts his backpack.

“Oi! Levi!” It’s Hange and they are quickly shuffling this way. “The fuck was up with th–”

A sudden silence falls between the three of them that Levi doesn’t appreciate. The man gasps, steps from Levi’s side, and takes the warmth of his body with him. Levi taps his stick along the ground but doesn’t find either of them to be within reach.

“You never came back.” Hange’s voice whispers quieter than Levi has ever heard. “W-w-we never f-found you.”

“Fuck, look at you.” The man's voice rings low. “I’m sorry. I don’t really know what for but…I am.”

Levi finds himself unable to imagine Hange whispering but that is definitely who he hears. Hange’s words are muffled a bit during an embrace between the two. However, listening to them and the man have a moment to themselves is oddly more comforting.

“Your nose still work?” Hange laughs after a snort bubbles from the man's nose. “That – I don’t know. What kind of question is that?”

 ** _You smell familiar…_** The man's statement filters through Levi’s ears again.

“Mike…” Levi can’t stop name from ghosting across his lips.

Before he has any time to process any of what is happening, a few visuals skirt across his mind. A scruffy man with shaggy blonde hair and an undercut, much like his own, sitting in a dimly lit office. He’s bellowing out a laugh and taking a heavy sip of tea that Levi can clearly smell. He’s flying through the trees and sniffing the air, apparently a normal action for the large person. This man seems incredibly similar in height to the one Levi dreams about, but name is…

“Mike?”

“See,” Mike’s hands grasp Levi’s shoulders and give him a meaningful shake. “I knew I fucking knew your face. There’s just something different about you that I can’t place.”

“What happened to you?” Hange’s voice closer as their body closes the gap.

“It’s probably my eyes.”

“It’s Hange, right?” Mike turns away for a moment but swings back. “Your eyes?”

“Yes!” Hange interrupts excitedly.

They all speak quickly, statements and questions muddle together and answers fall on attentive ears. It’s all happening in a blur and Levi finds it hard to keep track of. He reaches up and puts his hand on Mike's face. He feels around to verify the features he sees in his mind, bringing all conversation to a halt. Scruff lines Mike’s jaw, dusts over the bottom of his cheeks, and nearly connects to a smooth mustache.

“You…you can’t see anything at all, can you?” The words vibrate against his fingers.

“No, but…I know what your face looks like.” It’s a crazy statement but one he can’t deny to be true.

An unfamiliar cellphone rings and Mike pulls away from him. Hange comes over and wraps an arm around Levi’s shoulders to give him a shake. He tries to catch some of the hurried conversation but he can’t hear it over the sound of Hange’s mumbling.

“You guys really should meet my friends. They’re in the cafeteria.” Mike's voice comes back cheerful and Levi can hear the man smile as Hange squeals, jostling him as they jump in place.

The walk to the cafeteria is quicker than Levi could process. He finds himself still reeling from the new and sudden realizations. Where did the memories of this man come from? How does he know Mike? Why does his face look so familiar? Why can Levi remember his face but not Hange’s? Lost in his thoughts, Levi seems to have missed a short conversation going on between Hange and Mike.

“Amazingly, this is actually pretty similar to how much friends and I met each other.” Mike pushes open a door which led into the noisy building.

Hange has yet to let go of Levi's hand so he folds his walking stick and tucks it into his bag. The amount of noise always makes it difficult for Levi to tell exactly where he is in the room itself so he and Hange always go together. Plus, the cafeteria is a guaranteed place to trip someone otherwise.

“They said they were right back where we – ahh! There they are, come on.” Mike sounds overly cheerful which prompts Levi to smile.

Levi let Hange take him along the path he imagines Mike is leading. He smells them pass the nausea-inducing taco station, and directly after that is the breakfast area as the echoes from the cafeteria begin to lessen

“We didn’t see you in the library, so we came straight here.” This is a new voice and it triggers a recognition, but nothing else.

Hange suddenly stops walking and he feels their arm go slack against his own. He hears them gasp, then sobbing fills Levi’s ears.

“Hange? What’s wrong?” He slips his to their cheek and his fingertips encounter a stream of moisture on Hange’s face. After a moment, he hears the sound of someone approaching.

“Damn, Mike, who’d you make cry? I told you, your face is terrif–” A new voice pulls Levi away from everything and makes his heart ache.

The immediate vicinity goes silent as Levi turns away from Hange. Fingers suddenly grace over the skin of his face, tickle the bottom of his eyelashes, and settle perfectly against his jaw. An electric heat sparks everywhere they touch and seeps deep into Levi’s pores with a heavy weight. Air catches in Levi’s lungs, as if the action of breathing would make this feeling go away.

“Levi.”

Reflexively, his eyes flutter closed, goosebumps rise on his skin, and a wave of relief drowns him. Heat rises in his chest, like a piece of his heart is burning itself into place. A floodgate of emotions and memories are released into his bloodstream, overloading his senses. Levi hears a soft, earthy laugh ring through his ears followed by words of love, adoration, and pleasure. Soft hums and groans are next, accompanied by growls and huffs of breath. The smell of musk and shampoo fill his nose. His skin tingles with the touch of calloused hands on bare skin, across his face, down the dip of his back. The sight of blonde hair floating in the wind, towering trees, an outstretched and inviting hand, drops of sweat rolling down a heaving, muscular chest just below a soft smile.

It’s him. The man who stares across the desk, keeps his company, has tea with him.

The rush of sensation starts to clear, but not before Levi feels the tickle of grass under his cheek, the sun on his skin, and a breeze blowing through the blonde locks tucked between the fingers he has resting on the face next to him. He doesn’t feel any worry because there’s nothing to bother them here, they have one moment of clarity in this clearing, no death, no monsters. It’s just them together. The beautiful man’s face that is so close to his own is so stunning, those lips promising home and eternity with a heavenly voice.

**_My Commander…my husband…my…_ **

The cafeteria filters in back when a subtle cologne flirts with his nose and a deep warmth radiates from the body underneath his hands. Levi realizes his hands have come to rest on this man’s chest, allowing him to feel heavy breathing. The consistent rise and fall of the ribs under his fingers in like a song, drawing him in with a familiar clarity.

Levi’s heart hammers in his chest, assisting the spread of heat through his body. A thousand questions bubble in his throat, but two syllables escape, proving to be the most important.

“Erwin.” Levi feels a soft, hopeful smile settle on his face and, even though his can’t see it, he knows one is beaming back at him.

**_You’re finally here… You’re mine, just for me._ **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erwin is not having a good day. He’d woken up with an impressively persistent headache that didn’t seem to have any plans of leaving him alone. The whirring of his printer only exacerbates the pain. His pen scratching across paper sounds like nails on a chalkboard and he isn’t looking forward to the squeaks of the dry-erase markers he would use during class. He jumps when his phone vibrates violently on his desk.

**> RaRa: ** _Hey, you wanna get dinner?_

 **> RaRa: ** _I’m seeing mom and dad tonight but I’d rather sit at your place mostly naked and binge watch Full House_

**> Whinny:** _Shit, I’d love to, but I think I might be coming down with something and I don’t want you to get sick_

 **> Whinny:** _I’m actually supposed to be hanging with Mike and Nile tonight. I’ll probably have to cancel, though. It really just depends on how lunch goes_

**> RaRa: ** _I’m not asking for sex, Whinny. I just want to see you._

 **> RaRa: ** _But if you don’t feel up to it that’s fine. I just wanted to sleep over._

 **> RaRa:** _I miss you._

**> Whinny: ** _I’m not sure what time I’ll be home, so just use your key if you get there first_

 **> Whinny: ** _I've missed you, too._

**> RaRa: ** _Will do, sir. Just let me know before you get home so I can make sure I’m awake_

Erwin smiles at the age-old term of endearment as he put his phone on silent and gathers his things. Petra has always called him “sir,” and it gives him a familiar sense of belonging. Erwin chuckles as he walks down the short hall to his class. She always finds a way to get under the skin but not in a bad way.

He’s never not known Rachel – though she goes by Petra now. Their lives have been spent growing up together and eventually dating because their relationship always felt deeper than any of their other personal connections, including his parents and siblings. It is a similar connection to the one he shares with Nile and Mike, though having only been friends with them since their freshman year of college.

His classes go by slowly. The 8AM is full of half-asleep student, not uncommon but it somehow makes his headache worse. By the 10AM, the students are definitely awake, but coffee doesn’t help with the pain. His headache becomes such a horrible migraine, Erwin ends the 12PM class halfway through but stays in the classroom until it’s dead silent. Still no relief.

**> Erwin: ** _I ended my class early. Bad migraine._

 **> Erwin:** _I’ll probably have to cancel on you guys tonight but do you want to grab lunch before I head home?_

 **> Nile:** _that sounds fine, I finished up a bit ago, too, so I’m free_

Erwin packs his textbook and student assignments away while he waits for Mike's affirmation, assuming the man to be face-first in a book in the library and taking his sweet ass time to respond. After a few minutes without a response he shrugs and takes the short walk back to his office to grab the work he needed to take home.

**> Nile:** _Mike? Food, yeah?_

 **> Erwin:** _Probably has that engineering book shoved up his ass again._

 **> Erwin: ** _Just meet me outside and we’ll grab him while we head that way._

Just as requested, Nile is waiting outside; his hair is as messy as always and he is wearing a grungy t-shirt over a pair of jeans. They clap each other on the back once they come in range and exchange a greeting.

“Oh, here.” Nile passes Erwin a white pill.

“I’ve got Aspirin in my bag, you don’t have to.” Erwin tries to hand the medication back but Nile motions for him to stop.

“It’s no biggie, my back isn’t bothering me as much today so I can spare one. Just eat it with your lunch.” Nile shoves his hands in his pockets as they walk. “You’ve been having more headaches recently. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“I’ll be fine, Nile.” Erwin waves him off with a smile. “The start of the semester is always difficult, it’s a lot of kids to learn. You know I took on an extra class this term since Dr. Mario's wife got cancer.”

But Nile is right. Migraines have plagued his days more often than not for the past few week, notably getting worse with the start of the new semester. He's also been having more night terrors, according to Petra. Nile and Mike blame his workaholic nature, saying that he needs a hobby because doing nothing but work isn’t healthy. Petra tries to convince him that they can love one another enough to the fill void and he loves her enough to let her try but it hasn’t worked. He’s surrounded by such loving and caring people, but somehow, he often feels alone.

“I know you did but that doesn’t mean it’s not something else.” Nile side-eyes him as they trail through each of the library floors looking for their sandy-blonde friend.

“Nile, don’t be nosey.” His head pounded more with each floor but still no Mike.

“We all care about you, Erwin. We watch you suffering, all of us. Mike’s afraid you’re going to break and we're going to find you on the floor in your office. Petra thinks your body is just going to–”

“He’s not here. Let’s just go to the cafeteria. Think he’ll answer his phone now?” Erwin tries his hardest to change the subject, but he knows better than to expect him to let it go like Mike or Petra would. They take the stairs back down in silence, Erwin all the while hoping Nile will change his personality for just this once because he is not in the mood.

“This is what I felt like before I found Marie, you know.”

“Yes, we are all very much aware of how you felt before you found Marie.” Erwin snaps, he hates when Nile uses that statement in an argument. He stops walking and looks into Nile's eyes. “But, see, what made it easier for you was knowing what she _looked_ like. You literally knew everything about her. You got the chance to actually be with her in whatever crazy ass fucking life we fucking came from, Nile.”

“Erwin, don’t make a scene.” Nile is completely unfazed because this isn't the first, nor will it be the last time he attempts an emotional intervention.

“Then how about you stop throwing Marie at me every single time you think I’m getting too depressed.” He knows his friend is just trying to point out that the four of them are – or were in Nile’s case – feeling a sense of loss and separation.

Nile's emotional state had been somewhat better than the other three because he’d known exactly what Marie looked like from the start. Erwin has always been convinced that’s why Nile became an artist, especially when he witnessed the man draw her for years until they finally found one another.

“Shut up.” Nile elbows Erwin in the ribs.

They take their seats in the quieter part of the cafeteria and decide to wait for Mike before getting food. After a few minutes of waiting, however, they both become impatient so Nile decides to give him a call. Nile arches an eyebrow from the second Mike answers the phone but hangs up a second later.

“He said something about bringing a few other teachers he met along the way, that we might find them a bit interesting.”

“I swear to God if he asks me to smell them, I might actually hurt him.” Erwin chuckles and rubs his eyes.

“I love when he does that, it makes remembering him so much easier, to be honest.” Nile throws an arm over the back of the booth seat.

“I’m ready for that day to come for me. I get bits and pieces but most of it is still missing.”

“It was like that a lot for me, too. Marie helped some of it come back but you, _Commander_ , brought most of it.” Nile’s eyes can the room for any sight of Mike.

“So you’ve said before.” Erwin chuckles. “I’m glad I could be of service for you, _Commander_.”

Both of them are pleased to hear their former titles, and Nile always smiles the most when they’re said. Both men exchange a few more comments before Nile spot’s Mike over Erwin’s shoulder.

“We didn’t see you in the library, so we came straight here.” Nile moves to scoot further into the booth but then they hear someone start to sob.

“Oh God, what did he do?” Nile goes to stand but he winces and touches his back.

“I got it, old man.” Erwin pushes from the booth. “Damn, Mike, who’d you make cry this time? I told you, your face is terrif–”

Erwin rounds the seat, but his eyes immediately catch ink-colored hair that belongs to the small man in Mike’s company. His legs stop on their own accord and a deep, demanding ache immediately clings to the inside of his chest. The man has spun in place to attend to the sobbing person next to him, so Erwin doesn’t see his face at first, but he doesn’t need to see his face.

 **_It’s him_ ** _._

The shorter man turns at the sound of Erwin’s voice. His face finally comes into view and a wave of relief washes over Erwin when he realizes it looks exactly as he’s always dreamt. Erwin steps into his captain’s personal space, welling with pride when the man’s face levels with the center of his chest. His hands shake but automatically make their way up to caress the pale cheeks, finding an impossibly familiar warmth. Small, nimble fingers crimp his shirt as he tilts that beautiful face upward to get a good look at it and his headache from before in gone in an instant. He was perfect, everything was finally perfect. A fire spreads through his body, his nerves are all hot. His heart throbs with a deep sense of healing.

“Levi.” The word comes from his lips like a practiced prayer.

**_My sweet Captain._ **

Erwin sees the man smiling in a candle-lit room, paper and ink spread out before them on a table, but just a second later Erwin has him pressed against it, items hastily pushed to the floor. Next, a sunny day with the two of them riding horses, wind blowing through the black strands and untucking them from their place behind his ear. He smells freshly brewed tea, and with coffee with burning firewood.

**_Mine. My love. My dear. My…_ **

He feels the sudden urge to kiss this him but there is something slightly off that catches his attention first. Instead of the slate-blue eyes he was expecting to see, Erwin is met with cream-colored ones, milky with oddly-shaped veins around the edges. The shape was right, the size was right, but the color isn’t. But whatever the color, it is unimportant as absence of a visible pupil only makes them more beautiful.

“Erwin.” A smile stretches across Levi's face, dimples showing on his cheeks, and the world finally settles into place.

But the happiness only lasts for a split second before a shrill alarm blares next to them, shocking Erwin back into a world outside of Levi and himself.

“Levi? Levi. Fuck. Levi!” It's Hange, they’re here, too.

Hange starts to pull Levi away from Erwin but the smaller man grips his shirts harder and rapidly gasps for air. The world seems to slow once again, but not from happiness or loving realization. This time something is wrong. The alarm is still singing and Hange is still calling Levi's name in a panic.

“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Erwin's eyes dart to Hange’s face but the panic in unfamiliar. There are no creatures chasing them this time, they aren’t worried for their lives or the lives of the thousands of people they vowed to protect. Hange is worried about Levi, his Levi.

Hange drops their bag to floor and sinks to their knees, shaky hands searching through the pack with haste. Erwin thumbs across Levi’s cheek and a surge pf his own panic starts to rise.

“Hange, talk to me. Levi, Levi what’s wrong?” Erwin notices the corners of Levi’s mouth twitch when he speaks.

“ _You’re here…_ ” Levi’s words are in a foreign language Erwin has never heard but somehow understands. “ _You’re back…”_

A small, barely audible laugh drifts between them before tears pool in Levi’s eyes and trickle down around Erwin's thumbs. Erwin bristles when Levi leans into his hands with shallow. Hange is franticly sifting through their bag.

“Fuck! Come on, come on.” Hange looks up from the floor every other second.

“ _Erwin. Commander **.** ”_ The words are slow but the drumming of Levi’s heart under his fingers is painfully rapid.

“Hange, what–” Erwin looks over to them, his own breathing quickening in this chest.

“Sit him down, fuck, I can’t find his meds.” They dump the contents of their bag onto the floor. “Levi, please sit down. Come on.”

Erwin gently guides Levi to sit on the booth seat behind him, crowding into the space to press their foreheads together.

“Commander, you have to give him space to breath, please. Fuck, I never leave home without this. Levi, talk to me, please.”

“ _Please, please don’t die…I need you…_ ” Levi’s words are hoarse and broken, bringing more tears with them. Erwin feels his own heart start to crack.

“Levi, I’m right here. Talk to Hange, come on.” Erwin hates how pliant and light Levi’s head feels in his hands, like he’s somewhere else. Hange comes into the space to shove two fingers against his Levi's throat.

“Fuck, his hearts going too fast. Levi where are your meds? Are they in your bag?” Erwin's eyes follow them as they jump over the back of the booth and dig into the small bag hanging behind Levi's back.

Levi’s breaths are coming faster, and the alarm still hasn’t stopped. Erwin can’t think, can’t process anything around him. Levi’s face is flushed and cold sweat has started forming on his neck. He wants to scoop him up and take him back to their room, find a doctor. He wants to save Levi, but then he remembers one sure-fire way to calm _his_ Levi down in a pinch.

Erwin solidifies his grip on Levi's face, bringing their lips together, he is relieved when Levi physically melts into his body. Erwin moves one hand down to rest against the center of Levi's chest and only then is Erwin's shirt released from that iron grip. Levi’s fingers float to thread into blonde hair, giving a familiar tug that sets Erwin’s nerves ablaze. He hears Levi draw in a deep breath through his nose, hold it, and sighs heavily into the kiss.

Hange makes a noise of objection, mostly likely a demand for Levi to have breathing room, but then the alarm stops. Erwin feels the rapid pace of Levi's heart decrease underneath his hand as it returns to a normal rhythm.

“ _Levi. My Levi **.**_ ” Erwin pulls back just enough to breath the words across Levi’s lips.

Levi gasps at the words but nods and continues to take normal breaths. Erwin feels a heavy hand land on each shoulder, feeling the support from Mike and Nile.

“Fuck okay. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.” Hange pants, wrapping their arms around Levi. “Holy fuck.”

“What the fuck was that?” Mike’s voice is laced with concern.

“ _Are you okay? **”**_ Erwin peers deep into Levi's eyes trying to memorize ever centimeter of their new appearance.

“ _I’m great. Everything…everything is great **.**_ ” Levi blinks and their eyelashes brush together.

“He – fuck. He has a heart condition and a seizure disorder. Don’t mix pregnancy and drugs. Oh God, I’m dying.” Hange attempts to catch their breath as they run their fingers through Levi’s hair.

“You are such a drama queen, Hange.” Levi's voice pulls a laugh from their mouth.

“Don’t give me that shit, do you realize how high you heart rate was?”

“Hange can we not–” Erwin sees that Hange still knows how to push Levi’s buttons when they interrupt Levi.

“Not what? Did you realize I didn’t have your meds? You could have d–”

“ _Hange stop **.**_ ” Levi cuts them off with a snarl and they finally look up at the three significantly taller men in their presence.

“C-C-Commander Erwin! Commander Nile!” Hange blushes and knocks a fist to their chest. “Mike!”

Erwin feels a wave of pride spread across his chest, but it’s accompanied by a deep sense of dread. He peers over his shoulder at the men behind him to see that Mike a bit wide eyed and Nile looks slightly confused. The three of them return the chest salute in unison.

“Oh my god.” Nile steps even closer. “And I thought Marie brought back some memories for me. Hange _._ ”

Hange give Nile a knowing look and a crazy smile spread across their face.

“Do you still try to blow people up?” Nile pointedly asks.

“Have you had Erwin arrested on any unnecessary terms lately?” Hange throws back.

“They try to blow me up all the time.” Levi wasn’t laughing with them, but he is smirking.

“I would never.” Hange wraps Levi in a big, gentle hug. “You couldn’t see it coming and that would give me an unfair advantage.”

“Oi. Shut up.” Levi reaches over his head and tugs on a tuft of Hange's hair.

“You know I love you too much to blow you up.” Erwin feels a pang of jealousy course through his veins when they kiss Levi's temple.

“I need a fucking drink after all of that.” Nile laughs over Erwin’s shoulder and starts to walk away.

“Oh, I’m thirsty, too!” Hange leaps back over the booth again to stand. “Tea, Levi?”

“Soda; you know what I like.” Levi's face follows the sound of their voice. “Grab a coffee for Erwin, too. Still three sugars?”

The correct assumption makes Erwin stutter a bit, but he shakes his head. Levi give a small, beautiful laugh. Hange hums appreciatively and starts to walk off.

“Mike, you, uh, want to give me a hand with those drinks?” Erwin shoots a smile over his shoulder and Mike leaves with them.

“You’re going to get your pants dirty. Get off the floor, you oaf.” Levi scoots himself deeper into the booth. “Want to sit next to me?”

Of course, he does. Why would he not? Erwin gently dusts off his knees, but before he can slide into the booth Levi begins to feel around the seat.

“Sorry, is my other bag on the floor? The one Hange dumped out, I mean?” Erwin leans over and picks it up, holding it out for Levi to take. After a few tries, Levi finally grabs it.

“Fuck, thanks. God, I hope they didn’t lose anything on the floor.” Erwin sits down and is finally able revel in everything that was the small man next to him.

Levi is just as small as he remembers. His hair is a bit longer, but other than that he is the same. They sit silently for a few moments, and Erwin takes the opportunity to revel in Levi’s appearance and movements. Levi shrugs his bookbag off and puts both packs between him and the wall of the booth. Erwin squints as Levi dances his finger across the surface of the table and seems content to find nothing. Erwin finds the notion slightly odd but a realization lands in his mind.

“ _You…you can’t see me…?_ ” The words make Levi smirk softly as he lowers his head and shakes it.

With habitually ill timing, Nile comes back with a tray of food, and pulls up a chair. Hange and Mike come back together, both with trays and cups. Erwin watches as Levi seems to follow all of the movements with his ears. Hange slides into the booth first and shoots a look of glee between the two of them. They tap the table twice directly in front of Levi and he raises his hand to hover above the surface. Hange slips a drink under his palm, his fingers reflexively moving the rim. Erwin recognizes the grip and find himself smiling without a thought.

“Oh, also, some fruit for your picky ass at two o’clock.” Hange sets a bowl of stereotypical mixed fruit in front of Levi. Erwin grimaces when it takes his roaming fingers a moment to find it. “They had some _awesome_ looking apple slices up there, looked pretty fresh. There are some grapes in there, too. Oh! And a piece of mango.”

A small conversation sparks across the table but Erwin isn’t really listening. He watches Hange spear the piece of mango with a fork and push it into Levi’s hand as they simultaneously steal a grape from the bowl. The routine is solid, effortless, but tragically codependent as Hange leaves the table a few more times to refill their drinks and grab a few more bits of food for Levi. They even save his drink from spilling when he bumps it with his hand. Erwin finds himself fighting against an urge to tell the squad leader to let Levi be, that he can do these things on his own. Erwin knows that Levi hates needing things done for him, but maybe Hange forgot? But Levi isn’t fighting against Hange, hasn’t given them any reprimand for the help. The two of them are moving together with practiced ease and without embarrassment.

The man he looks at now is so familiar, but foreign. Erwin remembers Levi fighting against him after an injury, insisting that he is fine even though he clearly wasn’t at the time. _His Levi_ would have completely rejected anoyone, especially Hange, at the notion of needing help with something as basic eating.

“Stop overthinking. I know what a quiet Erwin means. So don’t say you weren’t.” Levi's whisper catches Erwin off guard. When he looks over, their eyes don’t quite catch one another. “Your face will wrinkle faster if you frown so much.”

Lunch continues with Erwin trying his best to keep his attention on the conversation, but his distractedness doesn’t go unnoticed. Mike leaves the table for a few minutes around the middle of the encounter and returns with a tray of food, water, and another cup of coffee for him. He nibbles on the food but Levi still takes up most of his attention. Like all good things, however, it eventually has to come to an end.

“Shit, Levi, you’re going to be late for your class.” After looking at their watch, Hange motions Mike out of the booth.

“Shit, I forgot to set the alarm for it.” Levi grumbles and sighs.

Hange collects their trash and nods their head for Mike and Nile to follow them away from the table again. Erwin slips out of the booth when Levi’s legs bump against his.

“Fucking shit.” Erwin looks down and finds Levi still seated, panicking hands searching the crevices of the booth.

“ _What’s wrong_?”

“My walking stick is missing. Hange?” He pulls his backpack into his lap and frantically searches the pockets; when he gets no response, Levi growls and pats the seats again. “Goddamnit.”

Erwin helplessly watches the rising frustrations of his former captain as he struggles. He finally gets the sense to look under the table and he finds a short, white cylindrical object.

“Is this it?” Erwin crouches down, grabs the object, and holds it out to Levi.

Levi’s hands swim through the air between them, making Erwin frown in resentment for the man’s frustration. But instead of finding the stick, Levi’s hands land on Erwin's face, and the anger subsides for a moment. Levi’s palm is warm, and he reflexively nudges into it, breathing in the scent of soap that is stuck to the raven’s skin. He catches Levi’s barely-there smiles and returns one but remembers he can’t see it. Levi thumbs across his cheeks before leaning in to nuzzle at his hair. Erwin hopes it still smells clean from his shower this morning, hopes Levi is pleased by the scent.

“Mmm, smells good.” Levi’s whisper sounds happy

That voice, the whisper, the warmth. It was all so familiar.

~~~~~~~~~~

Erwin is pulled over on the shoulder watching multiple cars drive by, unable to gather the nerve to go home. He can’t imagine walking through the door with this much emotion. The anger, frustration, and sadness just so palpable. Levi, _his Levi_ , his Captain is real; he exists but isn’t quite the same man. He is gorgeous, with a voice that makes Erwin’s heart stutter in ways that can’t be healthy. Levi continues to be the beautiful creature Erwin fell in love with, but the universe, or fate, or higher power just had to make that perfect man blind.

His memories of Levi slaying the large human-like creatures are completely intact. Erwin loves Levi in the air; the simple way the nimble, strong muscles move effortlessly on metal wires, how Levi’s body twists as he goes in for a kill. He’s like a bullet fired from a gun but twice as deadly.

Levi still amazes him, but Erwin can’t help comparing his memories of Levi to his interaction with the man today and it only makes Levi’s frailty all the more striking. It triggers Erwin’s urges to help, to care, to guard, to protect. But just the idea of him needing that kind of support is so odd.

“Fuck!” Erwin delivers a dangerously hard smack to the James Dean bobblehead given to him by Mike. “Fuck this. Why?!”

More cars pass the longer he sits there, and Erwin begins to recognize that it’s been about twenty minutes and if he waits too much longer, one of his neighbors calls the cops. He should go home to Petra, but he is not ready to have the conversation he needs to have with his longtime companion, who is most likely still awake and cooking something even though he’d told her it wasn’t necessary.

**> Whinny:** _I’ll be pulling up in just a minute._

**> RaRa:** _Okay, the garage door is already up_

“Shit.” He pulls in a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face before pushing the car in gear. When he eventually walk in, the house smells like waffles, a late night favorite of his which Petra always makes when he has migraines.

“Welcome home, babe.” Her voice is as chirpy as always.

“Hey.” He hangs up his coat and toes off his shoes.

He easily falls into the routine they’ve built but even the habitual practices do nothing to mask everything going on in his head, and certainly not enough for Petra not to notice. Kissing another person, a man, at work isn’t something you can just tell someone who qualifies as your significant other. Guilt rolls under his skin, but he is unable to shake the happiness in his heart. He found Levi; how could she be mad about that? Still, the kissing and the intimate touches he’s shared with another – no person deserves that kind of treatment. She’s going to be able to pull it from him so easily – the betrayal, the damnation, and she will hate him for all of it.

 _Petra! I found him, I found Levi._ No, that wouldn’t work, she doesn’t know who he is. Erwin knows that much for sure because Petra hasn’t shared memories of him.

 _Petra, you’ll never guess what happened today!_ That won’t work either. She’ll sit with him, expect a funny story about a student or something stupid Mike said at dinner that makes Nile shoot soda from his nose. It’s too lighthearted for this kind of news.

 _Petra. I kissed someone else today._ Crass, straight to the point: Petra’s preferred method of communication. Erwin can see her unblinking stare at him before, inevitably, stomping off to pack her things, taking particular care to find the ring he bought for her and throw it at him.

She’ll leave. He’ll lose her. All of his options end with losing Petra. Petra, who had kicked the bullies' asses in middle school when Erwin’s glasses were stolen, gone to prom with him, and cried with during her every broken heart. Erwin had been there for her, in return, by threatening people who hurt her, offered her a place to stay when her parents were fighting.

Then, years of unsuccessful relationships in college brought the two of them to a pact. If they were still single at twenty-seven – twenty-five being too early to give up and thirty too late to start a family – they would get married, despite knowing full well they aren’t soulmates. He and Petra had both turned twenty-seven last year and discussed it all again on his birthday. He ended up giving her a ring for her birthday, for their future engagement.

But floating above all those possibilities, the history, and love, was the option to have Levi back. Erwin finally feels like he can be full and complete, happy, content in his chest, but at what cost? Erwin knows his happiness shouldn’t come at the cost of Petra’s trust; Nile and Mike certainly wouldn’t respect him for hurting her. A betrayal that profound would be so detrimental to someone so intertwined in his life, and enough to make him fear that he could lose Petra, her family, Nile, Mike. His parents would probably also hate him.

Is all of it worth having Levi back?

Does Levi even want him back? What is going on between him and Hange? Are they together? It certainly seemed like a possibility? He certainly didn’t see anything to suggest otherwise.

The multiple outcomes, each more miserable than the last, are violently spinning in Erwin’s head and makes him oblivious to Petra, who is standing right in front of him, under his nose, and in his space.

“Erwin!” She’s wearing only an oversized t-shirt and boyshorts. “Is your headache really so bad that you can’t hear me?”

“What?” He realizes he’s still standing in the hallway with one shoe halfway on his foot. “I’m sorry. Shit. What did you say?”

“Fuck, Whinny. Are you actually sick?” She rises to her toes and presses a hand against his forehead. Habit and muscle memory have him leaning into the touch, but it doesn’t ease his pain. “You don’t feel like you have a fever. I’ll clean up while you take a shower. Maybe a bath would help you relax?”

Petra swipes a thumb across his cheek and flashes a sincere smile. Erwin knows she’s just offering a way for him to relax, as she does when he has long days that weigh heavily on his shoulders, but that only makes him feel worse. He wasn’t tired from a long day or sore from leaning over his desk to grade papers.

“Yea, that actually sounds pretty good. Just keep the waffle warm for me, yea?” He wraps one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist to squeeze their bodies together. His skin burns unpleasantly.

“Okay. Do you want me to join you? I can wash your hair or something.” Her voice doesn’t have a suggestive tone.

“No, that’s okay, babe.” He kisses the top of her hair and she giggles. “Ill probably play that band you hate while I’m in there anyway.”

“Fine. Then I’ll clean this fucking kitchen.” She starts laughing and it’s an infectious melody to him. “Just don’t take too long. It’s a waffle and I’m not a magician.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Petra rolls her eyes and heads back to the kitchen as Erwin makes his way to the bathroom. He quickly closes the door behind him and starts to fill the tub as hot as he can, letting the steam fill the room while he empties his pockets, connects his phone to the Bluetooth speaker, and sets a random playlist of rock music. Just before he gets in the tub, Erwin hears his text notification ring.

**> Four-Eyes: ** _He's missed you so much._

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome any and all comments and questions!!!!!!


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